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She Feels It’s Better To Win Than Be Right

The woman was homely, energetic, intelligent and connected. I don’t know what a medical professional would say about her, I mean a shrink, an analyst, a psychologist of some kind, but I can tell you she was amazing.  We all know people who are self-deluding, but this woman deserves an award.  On one occasion, after a lunch at which she introduced her husband to an old girlfriend, the husband later commented that the old friend was very attractive. The woman burst forth, “she’s not as pretty as I am!”  I did mention that she’s homely, I believe.  I mentioned self-deluded, too.

She had big breasts, and even though she was in her sixties, they remained erect, probably because she’d never been pregnant.  Now that’s a lucky thing for the unborn children, because this woman was nuts. She also never menstruated, even when young. Never. And no friend was ever close enough for her to talk about it, so it was unknown to all but herself. Her thighs and her behind looked like creamed cottage cheese, in both colour and texture. She never uncovered in public, and it’s better that way.

She pretended to be a friend to a small group of women, and they pretended to be friends to her.  It seems they were all more or less the same.  Whichever of them was not present at a get-together is the one who would be criticized and ridiculed in her absence. Yet they pretended to be friends, not actually knowing what it is to be a friend. The pretty ‘friend’ who’s attractiveness her husband mentioned has not seen her in the many years since then.  Two steady ‘friends’ were former models, aged badly, desperate to find men but no man would consider them, not because of physical things, but because of the falseness, the fake communications both verbal and visible.

The ‘friend’ with whom she spent the most time was a long-since divorced from a titled British failure of a son that was sent to Canada to get him out of sight of the family’s circle of influence. He pretended to be an artist, but his artwork was nothing to look at and his living was made designing store fixture layouts for retail outlets. The woman was a research laboratory nurse working on AIDS cures.  And she was a tramp, as much of a tramp as an ugly, aging nurse can be. She was always trying to seduce her ‘friend’s’, the woman’s, husband. To put a stop to it, the husband once agreed to a clandestine meeting with the “girlfriend”, then didn’t bother to show up. She furiously told the woman that she wanted nothing more to do with her.  That from a woman with whom she had a close, daily relationship for more than two decades.  That’s some of what I mean about false friends and self-delusion.

On the occasion of the woman’s acquisition of a floor length mink coat, she resolved to hide it from her ‘friend’ because she would get jealous and angry.  In a way, she was saying that she knew her ‘friend’ was a pseudo friend, but was the best she could get – which is true. On another occasion, the husband’s dearest friend took it upon himself to tell the husband a very important and tragic message about the husband’s son, and did it although no one else would. The woman said, “Some friend he is, giving you news like that.”The husband asked her to think about how difficult it must have been.  His friend must have known for days, and was waiting for the opportunity to tell him. Other people knew, but didn’t care enough to tell.

The husband could see on her face a moment of stunned realization. She was amazing in that she never learned much about life.  Although she was intelligent and well connected and even somewhat wealthy, she was unable to accept the truth of new information.  If she formed an opinion of something at the age of nineteen, that opinion, although often proven wrong, continued to be her belief.  Her fear, her husband felt, was that to accept a new point of view meant that her previous point of view had been incorrect, and she couldn’t handle that.  She literally would rather win than be right.


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